The past few days, for whatever reason, I have been struggling with the past. Stuck in it actually. Writing, editing, and doing whatever I can to work myself through it... The one thing that I got out of it was that I can't be afraid to be alone. Fear of being alone has been what has kept me from being able to be truly happy.
Love is a beautiful thing. Fear is not. Writing my memoir, what I discovered about myself is that I am in love with being in love. I remember so vividly the beautiful warm white-yellow-gold light that illuminated the one that I first fell in love with and I did not want to release that into the world because I was afraid that if I did, I would be left alone in the dark.
What I forgot is that I have my own light. I don't need to dim anyone else's light or have someone else illuminate my way. Together, two people can make the whole world a brighter, happier place but one person, holding up his or or light in the darkness can be just as beautiful. Besides, who knows... that one light might just be the focal point for better things to come.
It might just be the only light that someone else, already in the darkness, lost, might see.
I am a very loving, caring, giving person... In the core of my being, I know that God loves me and that God will not abandon me. He will not let me stay in the dark, alone. God is my light. My focal point. And if I should go blind and I can not see, He will take me by the hand and help me walk the rest of the way.
Don't get stuck on stupid. Life is living. Not standing still. We have an eternity to rest. We only have today to live.~LAMB.
Addendum: here is a quote I like by Bertrand...
Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].
Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.
With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.
Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.
This has been my life; I found it worth living.
Addendum:
A Self Existent, Complete & Independent Life
... Spiritual Life, which is not a quality of another existence, but a self - existent, complete, and independent life... is not the exclusive possession of any particular historical religion, but forms the foundation of all religion... Spiritual Life is its own best witness. (Menzies, Allan. Professor Allen Menzies, D.D. "Self Existent Spiritual Religion" Review of Theology & Philosophy". Edinburgh Otto Schulze & Company. Vol. X July 1914 - June 1915. page 138.)
